we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
