The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize