Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
