some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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