he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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