You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
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