What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
