One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
