allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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