i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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