If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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