Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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