i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
