Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
