I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
