When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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