are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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