Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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