Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
