his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
