You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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