Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize