I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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