i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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