so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
