people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
