I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
