But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
