Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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