I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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