it was like his penis was on wheels.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
