Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
