I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
