If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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