id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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