You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
