you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
