Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she told me i tasted like america
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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