I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
