You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize