I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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