Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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