does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
