i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need a beard to bite.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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