I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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