Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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