You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
