My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
