You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
