I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So much Jack, so little girl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
