Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
