Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
