That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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