I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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