I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Good news!! I can adult!! š turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement šš
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
