I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Randomize
