Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize