Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
