somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
