Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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