You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize