i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
