Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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