I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize