I got chris browned last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
